Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Boston Santacon 2011: Update 3 - Lists, Costumes, Weather, FOUR F'S!!!

Fewer than 5 days and counting 'til Santa presses the big red button and the Red Felt Rampage is released!

Here's the latest from Santa:
  • Be ready for LOTS of Santa!
  • Make a list and check it!
  • Last minute costumes?
  • Keep you fuzzy flannel-clad fanny from freezing!
  • Four F's!
* * *
This year is looking similar to last year - so be ready for LOTS of Santa! If you get to a bar that's packed full of Santas, merrily Ho Ho Ho your way to a spill over bar or to the next stop.

* * *
Make Lists and Check Them!
Here's a quick review of what you want to bring:

  1. Costume: Wear a costume or get left behind! Doesn't have to be a Santa costume. But you must wear a costume! Come as Santa or an upside down Christmas tree or Rudolph the Russian mobster Reindeer or a ginger bread cookie or and Elf or Frosty or Charles Dickens
  2. Cash: Bring cash to pay for your drinks as you get them. Bring cash for the subway or cab fare home. And bring cash to leave nice fat Christmas tips for all the friendly bartenders and cocktailers that keep all the Santas merry!
  3. Flask: I'm not saying Santas are scofflaws, but this Santa keeps a Private Stash in his Santa Sack just to keep spirits high between bars. Waiting behind 300 Santas for a beer can take a while!
  4. Phone: If you're joining the Yule Tide later in the day and you want to find Santa, you'd better be following BostonSanta on Twitter!
  5. Route map:  (goo.gl/UMdJC) Learn it. Print it. Pack it. Santa will try to keep to this route and schedule, but no guarantees!

* * *
Last minute Santacon Costumes:
This is when you can usually find cheap Santa suits in places like Wallgreens or other retailers. Lots of options online, just be sure it gets delivered before 12/17! If you haven't found a costume yet GO FUCKING FIND ONE!

* * *
goo.gl/vlMhG and goo.gl/k3ieO

The weather's looking clear and cold, so make sure you're prepared for the walking between stops. If the weather really sucks, Santa will say "Fuck it!" and raze hell where ever he's at then take the Subway to Central. None of this will be decided before we start at noon on Saturday.

To be clear: Santa rides from noon on Saturday 'til he falls over no matter what the weather looks like. I don't want any belly aching from Wimpy the Elf about SNOW. Santa lives at the NORTH FREAKIN POLE. Santa drives a SLEIGH.

* * *
Four F's
Do not forget the Four F's!
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!
Please feel welcome to bring your prankster presence. Megaphones and merry mischief are cordially invited! Santacon is hardly an event for the socially squeamish.

And please keep in mind: there is no "Santa Bail Fund". Anyone who crosses the Fun Line into Asshole Land is unwelcome. Play nice or get left behind. If you see any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off or they'll get their furry fannies paddled 'til they fudge their flannels.

The clock is counting down!
Santa's coming to town!!

No comments: