Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Epic santarchy!

Man- running around and drinking all day is hard! Good job santas!

Have fun spreading more merry over the upcoming weeks!

Friday, December 17, 2010

totally un-official Slutty Santa Sunday Brunch

And just in case you're looking for a thing to do on Sunday, THIS Santa and some of his Santa friends are having some Post-Santa Hangover Brunch in Davis Sq on Sunday and then going to the 2:00 matinee of The Slutcracker.

Do with that information what you will ... just thought I'd mention it.

merry as hell,
Santa Boston

Boston Santacon 2010: T -24 hours ...

Fresh batteries slipped in the bullhorn with care.
With one day 'til Santacon, we all did prepare!

  • Flannels were tested against Winter's chill.
  • Bottles of hydrating fluids were filled.
  • Lists, and the Route, were checked and checked twice.
  • Mental notes taken: "To Bar staff be nice!"
  • The Four F's were gladly committed to heart.
  • "Mittens! A scarf! Now THAT would be smart!"
  • Twitters were Tweeted so the Mob could be found.
  • Trash bags were stashed to keep crap off the ground. 
Everyone practiced their Hos and Good Cheer.
12:30 tomorrow: Santacon will be here!

* * *
Heads up, all you Red-Flanneled Fruitcakes! This is probably Santa's final update before he sees you tomorrow!
Santa received many questions, so let's start there:
  • If you're just tuning in, here's a quick recap:
    • Read ALL relevant details (times, locations, route & rules) posted here on this blog
    • On the right side of this page there's a link to the Google map of Santas route (SUBJECT TO CHANGE).
    • Assholes are unwelcome.
  • CASH: Bring it. That green paper stuff - you need it. Santa can't tell you how much because Santa doesn't know how much cab fare is from Davis Square to your bed and Santa doesn't know how many drinks you plan to buy. But here's how to use your green backs:
    • Subway fare: Santa rides the T from Harvard to Davis.
    • Cover charges: If you plan to go to Plough & Stars, Johnny D's, or The Burren, there will be a cover. You don't have to go to those bars - there are other bars with no cover charge where Santa will be at the same time.
    • Drinks: How long do you think it takes a bartender to close 200 tabs on 200 debit cards?? If you plan to buy all your drinks with your plastic, you're gonna be waiting a loooooong time. Santas get impatient quickly so pleeease plan to pay in CASH.
    • Cab fare: Santa never drives home. Never. Ever.
* * *
Stay warm!
It's tempting to assume our collective hotness will keep us roasty-toasty in this weather, but will that be true at temperatures under 30 degrees? Pleeeaaase prepare accordingly. If you want to know how warm you'll be outside on Saturday, I strongly urge you to put on your costume and go stand outside for five minutes.


* * * 
Consider bringing a water bottle!
If you've got a water bottle that fits in your bag or your coat pocket, you may want to bring it. You can expect cocktailers and bartenders to have their hands full fetching boozy goodness.  And no one should bar crawl for 13 hours without eating and hydrating along the way.

* * *
Double check! 
You've got lists. Check them.
You've got the route map and the list of bars. Look at them again and pack it.

If you think you've missed something, check this blog. All the info is here somewhere. And if you can't find it, send me an email.

* * *
Be Nice to bar staff!
Part of the greatness of Santacon is bringing a surprise bonus of liquor sales, tips, fun and good cheer to bar staff on an otherwise slow Saturday afternoon. Be patient with and gracious to the bar staff. Show your appreciation with a few extra bucks on their tip. This is what keeps Santa welcomed back year after year. The bar staff are Santa's hosts. 200 unruly Santas are difficult to deal with - disrespecting our hosts is the swiftest way to get Santa unapologetically ejected.

If you get the sense that Santa isn't welcomed by the bar staff, please encourage Santa to move along. Santa much prefers to hop down to the next closest bar than to piss off an entire establishment's staff and management.

* * *
Four F's

Do NOT forget the Four F's!
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!

And remember: If you catch any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off immediately or they’ll get their furry fannies paddled ‘til they fudge their flannels!

* * *
Warm! You  wants it!
Saying it twice.
A stick of chapstick, a pair of mittens and a scarf can make it a lot easier to keep merry.

* * *
Are you following BostonSanta on Twitter? It's the best ways to find Santa on Saturday! Especially if Santa deviates from his anticipated route . . .

* * *
Keep it clean!

200+ drunken Santas can leave a hell of a scar on the sidewalk. Please stick a small trash bag in one of your pockets and use it when you see someone "accidentally" drop any trash. Better yet would be if we all picked up after ourselves, or just didn't leave crap behind. But I'm just trying to be realistic here.

* * *
Things To Ponder
Closing this update with a reprint of the Santacon Guidelines from www.Santacon.info

  1. Santa does not make children cry. If you see kids, don't freak them out. Give them a nice smile and a gift (candy etc). Adults are a different matter altogether - adjust based on their attitude.
  2. Santa dresses for all occasions. Smart Santas wear multiple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment at the North Pole or on a stripper pole.
  3. Santa doesn't whine! We will be outside and walking - bring what you need to keep your pie-hole filled until we get indoors.
  4. Don't be that santa. Drinking with Santa is fun. Babysitting Pukey McAlcoholPoisoning is lame.
  5. Always pay for your drinks and tip the bar staff. We want to be able to do this again. Be polite and cultivate the goodwill of the local community.
  6. Pay for your drinks as soon as you get them. Santas get tired of waiting for santas to clear their tabs before moving on.
  7. No santa's left behind! Santa is considerate of his fellow santas. Pick a few people you know and keep an eye out for them. Look for them when it's time to move. If you don't see them, speak up so santa knows to wait a moment.
  8. Stay with the Crimson Tide! It's not just "the more, the merrier" - Santa is safer with large numbers of fellow santas. And waiting for stragglers gets boring awfully quick.
  9. Remember: this is about fun! Most santas take their fun with a little alcohol. However, Santas will be unapologetically ejected for any kind of violent, harassing or intimidating behavior. There is no "Bail Fund" for Incarcerated Santas. If you cross the fun line into asshole land, you'll be on your own.
  10. Santa doesn't drink & drive. If you're going to drink, you must make sure that you can get safely home without driving yourself.
  11. You must address everyone as "Santa".
  12. You should "Ho! Ho! Ho!" like Santa.
  13. You're encouraged to drink like Santa.
  14. You may give out gifts like Santa. Maybe naughty gifts to give grown ups; nice gifts to give kids. Throwing coal at people is discouraged, no matter who they are. Yes: that includes politicians. But giving out coal might actually be appreciated.
  15. Santa doesn't talk to the press. Even "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is too dangerous these days.
  16. Read Santa's Four F's and then read these guidelines one more time.
  17. If you reached this rule, then you didn't get locked in a loop reading the guidelines over and over again. You are clever enough to take part in SantaCon!
  18. Have a great time!!
merry as hell,
Santa Boston

Monday, December 13, 2010

Santacon Beijing

Santacon Beijing broken up by Chinese police!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Boston Santacon 2010: Update 3

Just under a week and counting down 'til Santa presses the Big Red Button and the Red Felt Rampage is released! Here's the latest from Santa:
  • Make a list and check it!
  • Last minute costume?
  • Keep your fuzzy flannel-clad fanny from freezing!
  • Four Fs!
* * * * *
Quick review of what you wanna bring:
  • Costume: Wear a costume or get left behind! Doesn't have to be a Santa costume. But you gotta wear a costume. Come as Santa, or an upside down Christmas tree, or Rudolph the Russian Mobster Reindeer, or Santa, or a Ginger Bread Cookie, or an Elf, or Frosty, or Santa, or Charles Dickens, or ...
  • Cash: Bring some cash to pay for your drinks as you get them. Bring some cash for the subway ride. Bring some cash for a cab ride home at the end of the night. And bring some cash to leave nice fat Christmas tips for all the friendly bartenders and cocktailers that keep all the Santas merry!
  • Flask: I'm not saying Santas are scofflaws, but this Santa might carry a Private Stash in his Santa Sack just to keep spirits high between bars. Waiting behind 200 other Santas to order a beer can take a little while!
  • Cell phone: If you're joining the Yule Tide later in the day and you want to find Santa, you better be following BostonSanta on Twitter, or have joined BostonSantacon on Swaggle. Cuz the chances are pretty freakin slim that Santa will hear his phone ring over the noise of your MOM screaming, "Oh SANTA! Oh SANTA!".
  • Route map: Google Map ) Santa will try to stick with this schedule, but no guarantees!
* * * * *
Last-minute Santacon Costumes:
This is when cheap Santa suits can often be found at places like Wallgreens and big box-stores. Lots of options online - just be sure your delivery date is before 12/18! If you haven't got a costume yet, you've got less than a week to find one!

* * * * *
Forecast: Weather dot com & Accu Weather

Next weekend's weather looks a little icky, so make sure you're prepared for the walk between bars! If Santa's fingers get too cold to open his flask, Santa has alternate plans:
  • Santas can make extra stops at the Spill-over Bars
  • If the weather really sucks, Santa will say "Fuck it!" and continue to raze hell around Central, then jump on the T and go straight to John Harvard's or straight to Davis.
None of this will be decided before we start at 12:30. If anyone starts turning blue, Santa can stop anyplace close to warm up.

To be clear: Santa rides from 12:30 PM 'til he falls over no matter what the weather looks like. I don't want any bellyaching from Wimpy the Elf about SNOW. Santa lives at the NORTH FREAKIN POLE. Santa drives a SLEIGH. 

* * * * *
Four F's
Do NOT forget the Four F's!
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!
Please feel welcome to bring your prankster presence! Megaphones and merry mischief are cordially invited! Santacon is hardly an event for the socially squeamish.

And please keep in mind: There is no "Bail Fund". Anyone that cross the fun line into asshole land is unwelcome. Santa's gracious attitude and good spirit keep him welcome at these bars. If you see any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off immediately or they’ll get their furry fannies paddled ‘til they fudge their flannels!

The clock is counting down! Santa's coming to town!!
merry as hell,
Santa Boston

Monday, December 6, 2010

Parapraxis: Bakhtin and Santarchy

Parapraxis: Bakhtin and Santarchy: "So every year I await, with glee, this event. Since winter of 2005, I have thrown in my lot with ho-ho-hoardes of manic Santas who pick a..."

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Update: 4 Fs & costume tips

Alright all ye Santas and Elves. We're less than 2 weeks away from Go Time. Here's some info from Santa to all you Krazy Kringles:
  • Four F's - Who remembers the Four Fs?
  • Costumes - Ya got those Santa Pants screwed on yet?

* * *
I'm sure a lot of you Snowflakes remember the Four F's from past Santacons, but Santa's gonna remind you anyway. If you're new to the Red Felt Rampage, the Four Fs keep Santas safe and out of trouble, so you better drill this 'til it comes outta your mouth faster than Ho-Ho-Hos or last night's Nog!

What are the Four F's?
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!
And remember: There's no "Bail Fund" for Incarcerated Santas. Any Santas that cross the fun line into asshole land will be told to leave immediately. It's our gracious attitude and good spirit that keeps Santa welcome at these bars. So if you see any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off immediately or they’ll get their furry fannies paddled ‘til they fudge their flannels!

* * *
Less than 2 weeks away! If you haven't got a costume, you'd best figure that shit out!
Santacon Costume links:
  • santa suits online:
    • http://bit.ly/5TukiX
    • http://bit.ly/5bUdMB
    • http://bit.ly/8ZcFWX
  • and another list of sources: 
    • http://santacon.info/Resources.html
  • Santa suits on Ebay:
    • http://bit.ly/8cuhaA
  • tips on making your own cheap and dirty santa suit:
    • http://bit.ly/5i0xco
  • and Santa Boston has info in a 2-page .pdf for more cheap costume-making advice. Email Santa Boston directly for a copy!
You don't have to come as Santa, but you gotta wear a costume. So come as Santa, or an upside down Christmas tree, or Rudolph the Russian Mobster Reindeer, or Santa, or a Ginger Bread Cookie, or an Elf, or Frosty, or Santa, or Charles Dickens, or ...

* * *
Info for Boston Santacon 2010 is posted around to a whole bunch of sites. No one should have any trouble finding details. But if you know somebody who wants to come and just can't figure out how to search the Tubes, feel free to email Santa Boston directly, or to print the attached flier and hand it to them.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Boston Santacon 2010 Route, Times, Locations, Wheee!!!

This year, Santa has lined up Spill-Over bars at every stop. If last year is any indicator, no single bar can hold this much Santa! Find details of the route, the stops and all the bars on the Google Map.
  • 12:30 PM Santa meets at The Asgard
  • 2:30 PM Central Square: Tavern in the Square, Cantab Lounge, People's Republik, Plough and Stars
  • 4:30 PM Harvard Square: Grafton St, Hong Kong, Whitney's Cafe
  • 6:30 PM Dinner: John Harvard’s, Grendel's Den
  • 9:30 PM Davis Square: The Burren (live Celtic music), Joshua Tree, Johnny D’s (live Latin beats)
Santa's final stop will be an all-out free-for-all Yule Tide in Davis Square. Pick a bar! Any bar! No single bar can contain this much Santa, so the night ends with a Dancer's Choice: Where do you want to go?? Where ever you end up, you can be sure that Santa will be there to greet you!!