Saturday, December 11, 2010

Boston Santacon 2010: Update 3

Just under a week and counting down 'til Santa presses the Big Red Button and the Red Felt Rampage is released! Here's the latest from Santa:
  • Make a list and check it!
  • Last minute costume?
  • Keep your fuzzy flannel-clad fanny from freezing!
  • Four Fs!
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Quick review of what you wanna bring:
  • Costume: Wear a costume or get left behind! Doesn't have to be a Santa costume. But you gotta wear a costume. Come as Santa, or an upside down Christmas tree, or Rudolph the Russian Mobster Reindeer, or Santa, or a Ginger Bread Cookie, or an Elf, or Frosty, or Santa, or Charles Dickens, or ...
  • Cash: Bring some cash to pay for your drinks as you get them. Bring some cash for the subway ride. Bring some cash for a cab ride home at the end of the night. And bring some cash to leave nice fat Christmas tips for all the friendly bartenders and cocktailers that keep all the Santas merry!
  • Flask: I'm not saying Santas are scofflaws, but this Santa might carry a Private Stash in his Santa Sack just to keep spirits high between bars. Waiting behind 200 other Santas to order a beer can take a little while!
  • Cell phone: If you're joining the Yule Tide later in the day and you want to find Santa, you better be following BostonSanta on Twitter, or have joined BostonSantacon on Swaggle. Cuz the chances are pretty freakin slim that Santa will hear his phone ring over the noise of your MOM screaming, "Oh SANTA! Oh SANTA!".
  • Route map: Google Map ) Santa will try to stick with this schedule, but no guarantees!
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Last-minute Santacon Costumes:
This is when cheap Santa suits can often be found at places like Wallgreens and big box-stores. Lots of options online - just be sure your delivery date is before 12/18! If you haven't got a costume yet, you've got less than a week to find one!

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Forecast: Weather dot com & Accu Weather

Next weekend's weather looks a little icky, so make sure you're prepared for the walk between bars! If Santa's fingers get too cold to open his flask, Santa has alternate plans:
  • Santas can make extra stops at the Spill-over Bars
  • If the weather really sucks, Santa will say "Fuck it!" and continue to raze hell around Central, then jump on the T and go straight to John Harvard's or straight to Davis.
None of this will be decided before we start at 12:30. If anyone starts turning blue, Santa can stop anyplace close to warm up.

To be clear: Santa rides from 12:30 PM 'til he falls over no matter what the weather looks like. I don't want any bellyaching from Wimpy the Elf about SNOW. Santa lives at the NORTH FREAKIN POLE. Santa drives a SLEIGH. 

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Four F's
Do NOT forget the Four F's!
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!
Please feel welcome to bring your prankster presence! Megaphones and merry mischief are cordially invited! Santacon is hardly an event for the socially squeamish.

And please keep in mind: There is no "Bail Fund". Anyone that cross the fun line into asshole land is unwelcome. Santa's gracious attitude and good spirit keep him welcome at these bars. If you see any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off immediately or they’ll get their furry fannies paddled ‘til they fudge their flannels!

The clock is counting down! Santa's coming to town!!
merry as hell,
Santa Boston

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