Sunday, December 13, 2009

Less than a week away!!

Just under a week and counting down 'til Santa presses the Big Red Button and the Red Felt Rampage is released! Here's the latest from Santa:

Quick review of what you wanna bring:
  1. Costume! Wear a costume or get left behind! Doesn't have to be a Santa costume. But you gotta wear a costume. Come as Santa, or an upside down Christmas tree, or Rudolph the Russian Mobster Reindeer, or Santa, or a Ginger Bread Cookie, or an Elf, or Frosty, or Santa, or Charles Dickens, or ...
  2. Cash! Bring some cash to pay for your drinks as you get them. Bring some cash for the subway ride to Harvard Square. Bring some cash for a cab ride home at the end of the night. And bring some cash to leave nice fat Christmas tips for all the friendly bartenders and cocktailers that keep all the Santas merry!
  3. Flask! I'm not saying Santas are scofflaws, but this Santa might carry a Private Stash in his Santa Sack just to keep spirits high between bars. Waiting behind 100 other Santas to order a beer can take a little while!
  4. Cell phone! If you're joining the Yule Tide later in the day and you want to find Santa, you better be following BostonSanta on Twitter, or have joined BostonSantacon on Swaggle. Cuz the chances are pretty freakin slim that Santa will hear his phone ring over the noise of your MOM screaming, "Oh SANTA! Oh SANTA!".
  5. Route map! ( Santa will try to stick with this schedule, but no guarantees!
Santacon Costume links
Cheap santa suits:
Word on the street is there's cheap Santa suits at Walgreens. If you haven't got a costume yet, you've got less than a week to find one!

Forecast: &

Next weekend's weather looks chilly, so make sure you're prepared for walking in the cold between bars! If Santa's fingers get too cold to open his flask, Santa has two alternative plans:
  1. Santa will make extra stops: around Faneuil Hall and on Charles Street.
  2. If the weather really sucks, Santa will say "Fuck Beacon Hill," continue to raze hell near Faneuil Hall, then jump on the T at Government Center and go straight to John Harvard's.
None of this will be decided before we start at 1:00. If anyone starts turning blue, Santa can stop anyplace close to warm up.

To be clear: Santa rides from 1:00 PM 'til he falls over no matter what the weather looks like. I don't want any bellyaching from Wimpy the Elf about SNOW. Santa lives at the NORTH FREAKIN POLE. Santa drives a SLEIGH.

Four F's
Do NOT forget the Four F's!
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!
And remember: If you catch any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off immediately or they’ll get their furry fannies paddled ‘til they fudge their flannels!

The clock is counting down! Santa's coming to town!!

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