Friday, December 7, 2012

Boston Santacon 2012: (FINAL UPDATE) T -18 hours ...

Fresh batteries slipped in our bullhorns with care,
With one day 'til Santacon, we all did prepare!
  • Flannels were tested against Winter's chill.
  • Bottles of hydrating fluids were filled.
  • Lists, and the Route, were checked and checked twice.
  • Mental notes taken: "To Bar staff be nice!"
  • The Four F's were gladly committed to heart.
  • "Mittens! A scarf! Now THAT would be smart!"
  • Twitters were Tweeted so the Mob could be found.
  • Trash bags were stashed to keep crap off the ground.
Everyone practiced their Hos and Good Cheer.
At noon time tomorrow: Boston Santacon's here!

* * *
Heads up, all you Red-Flanneled Fruitcakes! This is probably Santa's final update before he sees you tomorrow!
Quick recap of critical info:
  • Read ALL relevant details (times, locations, route, rules) posted here on this site!
  • Toys for Tots - Don't forget to bring a toy to Santa's first stop! Game On at noon!
  • Google map of Santas route (subject to change at any time) here:
  • Assholes are unwelcome.
  • CASH: Bring it. That green paper stuff - you need it. Santa can't tell you how much because Santa doesn't know how much cab fare is from the last bar to your bed and Santa doesn't know how many drinks you plan to buy. But here's how to use your green backs:
    • Drinks: Takes a long time to close 200 tabs on 200 debit cards. Santas get impatient quickly so pleeease plan to pay in CASH.
    • Cover charges: If you plan to stay out after 9:30 PM, some bars may charge a cover.
    • Subway fare and Cab fare: Santa never drives home. Never. Ever.

* * *
Stay warm! 
It's tempting to assume our collective hotness will keep us roasty-toasty in this weather, but will that be true if it's cold AND wet? Pleeeaaase prepare accordingly.

* * *
Consider bringing a water bottle
If you've got a water bottle that fits in your bag or your coat pocket, you may want to bring it. No one should go out drinking for 13 hours without eating and hydrating along the way.

* * *
Double check!
You've got lists. Check them.
You've got the route map and the list of bars. Look at them again and pack it.

If you think you've missed something, check the blog posts. All the info is here somewhere. And if you can't find it, send me an email.

* * *
Part of the greatness of Santacon is bringing a surprise bonus of liquor sales, tips, fun and good cheer to bar staff on an otherwise slow Saturday afternoon. Be patient with and gracious to the bar staff. Show your appreciation with a few extra bucks on their tip. This is what keeps Santa welcomed back year after year. The bar staff are Santa's hosts. 200 unruly Santas are difficult to deal with - disrespecting our hosts is the swiftest way to get Santa unapologetically ejected.

There will be TONS OF SANTA this year! Santacon 2012 is intersecting with three other Santa events! If you get to a bar that's already packed full of Santas, merrily Ho Ho Ho your way to a spill over bar or to the next stop. If you get the sense that Santa isn't welcomed by the bar staff, please encourage Santa to move along. Santa much prefers to hop down to the next closest bar than to piss off an entire establishment's staff and management.

* * *
Four F's
Do NOT forget the Four F's!
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!

And remember: If you catch any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off immediately or they’ll get their furry fannies paddled ‘til they fudge their flannels!

* * *
Warm! You wants it!
Saying it twice. A stick of chapstick, a pair of mittens and a scarf can make it a lot easier to keep merry.

* * *
Are you following BostonSanta on Twitter? It's the best ways to find Santa on Saturday!

* * *
Keep it clean!
500+ drunken Santas can leave a hell of a scar on the sidewalk. Please stick a small trash bag in one of your pockets and use it when you see someone "accidentally" drop any trash. Better yet would be if we all picked up after ourselves, or just didn't leave crap behind. But I'm just trying to be realistic here.

* * *
Things To Ponder
Closing this update with a reprint of the Santacon Guidelines from

  1. Santa does not make children cry. If you see kids, don't freak them out. Give them a nice smile and a gift (candy etc). Adults are a different matter altogether - adjust based on their attitude.
  2. Santa dresses for all occasions. Smart Santas wear multiple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment at the North Pole or on a stripper pole.
  3. Santa doesn't whine! We will be outside and walking - bring what you need to keep your pie-hole filled until we get indoors.
  4. Don't be that santa. Drinking with Santa is fun. Babysitting Pukey McAlcoholPoisoning is lame.
  5. Always pay for your drinks and tip the bar staff well. We want to be able to do this again. Be polite and cultivate the goodwill of the local community.
  6. Pay for your drinks as soon as you get them. Santas get tired of waiting for santas to clear their tabs before moving on.
  7. No Santa's left behind! Santa is considerate of his fellow santas. Pick a few people you know and keep an eye out for them. Look for them when it's time to move. If you don't see them, speak up so santa knows to wait a moment.
  8. Stay with the Crimson Tide! It's not just "the more, the merrier" - Santa is safer with large numbers of fellow santas. And waiting for stragglers gets boring awfully quick.
  9. Remember: this is about fun! Most santas take their fun with a little alcohol. However, Santas will be unapologetically ejected for any kind of violent, harassing or intimidating behavior. There is no "Bail Fund" for Incarcerated Santas. If you cross the fun line into asshole land, you'll be on your own.
  10. Santa doesn't drink & drive. If you're going to drink, you must make sure that you can get safely home without driving yourself.
  11. You must address everyone as "Santa".
  12. You should "Ho! Ho! Ho!" like Santa.
  13. You're encouraged to drink like Santa.
  14. You may want to give out gifts like Santa. Maybe naughty gifts to give grown ups; nice gifts to give kids. Throwing coal at people is discouraged, no matter who they are. Yes: that includes politicians, investment bankers, the 1%, etc. But giving out coal might actually be appreciated.
  15. Santa doesn't talk to the press. Even "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is too dangerous these days.
  16. Read Santa's Four F's and then read these guidelines one more time.
  17. If you have reached this rule, you didn't get locked in a loop reading the guidelines over and over again. You are clever enough to take part in SantaCon!
  18. Have a great time!!

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