Thursday, December 17, 2009

T - 43 Hours and Counting . . .

Fresh batteries slipped in the bullhorn with care.
With two days to Santacon, we all did prepare!
Flannels were tested against Winter's chill.
Bottles of hydrating fluids were filled.
Lists, and the Route, were checked and checked twice.
Mental notes taken: "To Bartenders be nice!"
The Four F's were gladly committed to heart.
"Mittens! A scarf! Now THAT would be smart!"
Twitters were Tweeted so the Mob could be found.
Trash bags were stashed to keep crap off the ground.
Everyone practiced their Hos and Good Cheer.
At 1:00 Saturday, Santacon will be here!

Stay warm!
It's pretty tempting to assume our collective hotness will keep us all roasty-toasty in this weather, but will that be true at temperatures under 30 degrees? Pleeeaaase prepare accordingly. If you want to know how warm you'll be outside on Saturday, I strongly urge you to put on your costume and go stand outside for five minutes. Seriously.

Consider bringing a water bottle.
If you've got a water bottle that fits in your bag or your coat pocket, you may want to bring it. You can expect cocktailers and bartenders to have their hands full fetching alcohol. And no one should bar crawl for 13 hours without eating and hydrating along the way.

Double check!
You've got lists. Check them.
You've got the route map. Look at it again and pack it.
Wanna sing dirty carols?
Download a songbook!
If you think you've missed something, check the blog posts. All the info is there somewhere. And if you can't find it, send me an email.

Be Nice to bar staff!
Part of the greatness of Santacon is bringing a surprise bonus of liquor sales and tips to bar staff on an otherwise slow Saturday afternoon. This is what keeps Santa welcomed back year after year. Please be patient and gracious to bar staff and show your appreciation with a few extra bucks on the tip.

If you get the sense that Santa isn't welcomed by the bar staff, please encourage Santa to move along. Santa much prefers to hop down to the next closest bar than to piss off an entire establishment's staff and management.

Four F's
Do NOT forget the Four F's!
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!
And remember: If you catch any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off immediately or they’ll get their furry fannies paddled ‘til they fudge their flannels!

Warm! You wants it!
Saying it twice.
A stick of chapstick, a pair of mittens and a scarf can make it a lot easier to keep merry.

Twitter & Swaggle
Are you following BostonSanta on Twitter?
Or have joined BostonSantacon on Swaggle?

Those are the best ways to find Santa on Saturday! Especially if Santa deviates from his anticipated route . . .

Keep it clean
100+ drunken Santas can leave a hell of a scar on the sidewalk. Please stick a small trash bag in one of your pockets and use it when you see someone "accidentally" drop any trash. Better yet would be if we all picked up after ourselves, or just didn't leave crap behind. But I'm just trying to be realistic here.

Things To Ponder
Closing this update with a reprint of the Santacon Guidelines from

  1. Santa does not make children cry. If you see kids, don't freak them out. Give them a nice smile and a gift (candy etc). Adults are a different matter altogether - adjust based on their attitude.
  2. Santa dresses for all occasions. Smart Santas wear multiple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment in the North Pole or on a stripper pole.
  3. Santa doesn't whine! We will be outside and walking - bring enough to keep your pie-hole filled until we get indoors.
  4. Don't be that santa. Drinking with Santa is fun. Babysitting Pukey McAlcoholPoisoning Santa is not.
  5. Always pay for your drinks and tip the bar staff. We want to be able to do this again. Be polite and cultivate the goodwill of the local community.
  6. Pay for your drinks as soon as you get them. Santas get tired of waiting for santas to clear their tabs before moving on.
  7. No santa's left behind! Santa is considerate of his fellow santas. Pick a few people you know and keep an eye out for them. Look for them when it's time to move. If you don't see them, speak up so santa knows to wait a moment.
  8. Stay with the Crimson Tide! It's not just "the more, the merrier" - Santa is safer with large numbers of fellow santas. And waiting for stragglers gets boring awfully quick.
  9. Remember: this is about fun! Most santas take their fun with a little alcohol. However, Santas will be asked to leave for any kind of violent, harassing or intimidating behavior. There is no "Bail Fund" for Incarcerated Santas. If you cross the fun line into asshole land, you'll be on your own.
  10. Santa doesn't drink & drive. If you're going to drink, you must make sure that you can get safely home without driving yourself.
  11. You must address everyone as "Santa".
  12. You should "Ho! Ho! Ho!" like Santa.
  13. You're encouraged to drink like Santa
  14. You may want to give out gifts like Santa. Maybe naughty gifts to give grown ups; nice gifts to give kids. Throwing coal at people is discouraged, no matter who they are. Yes: that includes politicians. But giving out coal might actually be appreciated.
  15. Santa doesn't talk to the press. Even "Ho! Ho! Ho!" is too dangerous these days.
  16. Read Santa's Four F's and then read these guidelines one more time.
  17. If you have reached this rule, you didn't get locked in a loop reading the guidelines over and over again. You are clever enough to take part in SantaCon!
  18. Have a fucking great time!
merry as hell,
Santa Boston

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Less than a week away!!

Just under a week and counting down 'til Santa presses the Big Red Button and the Red Felt Rampage is released! Here's the latest from Santa:

Quick review of what you wanna bring:
  1. Costume! Wear a costume or get left behind! Doesn't have to be a Santa costume. But you gotta wear a costume. Come as Santa, or an upside down Christmas tree, or Rudolph the Russian Mobster Reindeer, or Santa, or a Ginger Bread Cookie, or an Elf, or Frosty, or Santa, or Charles Dickens, or ...
  2. Cash! Bring some cash to pay for your drinks as you get them. Bring some cash for the subway ride to Harvard Square. Bring some cash for a cab ride home at the end of the night. And bring some cash to leave nice fat Christmas tips for all the friendly bartenders and cocktailers that keep all the Santas merry!
  3. Flask! I'm not saying Santas are scofflaws, but this Santa might carry a Private Stash in his Santa Sack just to keep spirits high between bars. Waiting behind 100 other Santas to order a beer can take a little while!
  4. Cell phone! If you're joining the Yule Tide later in the day and you want to find Santa, you better be following BostonSanta on Twitter, or have joined BostonSantacon on Swaggle. Cuz the chances are pretty freakin slim that Santa will hear his phone ring over the noise of your MOM screaming, "Oh SANTA! Oh SANTA!".
  5. Route map! ( Santa will try to stick with this schedule, but no guarantees!
Santacon Costume links
Cheap santa suits:
Word on the street is there's cheap Santa suits at Walgreens. If you haven't got a costume yet, you've got less than a week to find one!

Forecast: &

Next weekend's weather looks chilly, so make sure you're prepared for walking in the cold between bars! If Santa's fingers get too cold to open his flask, Santa has two alternative plans:
  1. Santa will make extra stops: around Faneuil Hall and on Charles Street.
  2. If the weather really sucks, Santa will say "Fuck Beacon Hill," continue to raze hell near Faneuil Hall, then jump on the T at Government Center and go straight to John Harvard's.
None of this will be decided before we start at 1:00. If anyone starts turning blue, Santa can stop anyplace close to warm up.

To be clear: Santa rides from 1:00 PM 'til he falls over no matter what the weather looks like. I don't want any bellyaching from Wimpy the Elf about SNOW. Santa lives at the NORTH FREAKIN POLE. Santa drives a SLEIGH.

Four F's
Do NOT forget the Four F's!
  • Don't fuck with kids!
  • Don't fuck with cops!
  • Don't fuck with security!
  • Don't fuck with Santa!
And remember: If you catch any Poser Santas breaking the rules, tell them to knock it the fuck off immediately or they’ll get their furry fannies paddled ‘til they fudge their flannels!

The clock is counting down! Santa's coming to town!!